You can't get this wrong

Why is it that most of us have a deeply held fear of getting things wrong?

What is it that we think will happen if something doesn’t work out the way we hoped it would?

And what is the significance we place on that?

We worry we’ll lose face, money, status, time, energy, relationships, our job and myriad of other things. The common theme is loss. We fear we will lose something and so we feel safer sticking with the status quo, with the familiar, with what we already know rather than stepping over the threshold and into this space of unknown potential.

And yet, we all know people who throw themselves over that threshold and launch themselves towards the unknown and experience great success, pleasure and freedom in doing so. In fact..….we have all been that person! Have you ever watched a 3 year old?? 

So, it is possible. 

We all have it within us to try something new we simply need to acknowledge the fear and bring it on the journey.  The fear is coming from a part of ourselves we could call the ego. It’s the part that likes to stay in control, thinks it knows how things work and at its core is driven by fear, lack and scarcity. In my experience trying to override that part – “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” style – can create all kinds of internal conflict and unnecessary stress. What I have come to realise is that when I acknowledge the part of myself that is fearful and trying to control the uncontrollable, and reassure it, much like a scared 3 year old, it is much more compliant!

The approach that has worked well for me and many of the people I work with is to see trying something new as an experiment. The definition of experiment is “to test and trial in order to learn if something works or is true”, which means we don’t know in advance if our hypothesis (how we think or hope this new thing will work out) is true and so we can’t get it wrong. 

Experimenting is a wonderful way to overcome the fear of loss because experiments by their very nature are about gaining something new – new data, learning, evidence, experience.  Seen from that perspective makes it easier for the ego to get on board.

I have experimented in many ways from; taking cold showers in the morning (my most recent experiment which I am yet to draw a conclusion on!) to intermittent fasting (I’ve been doing this for 2 years now) and being self-employed (which I have been doing for nearly 16 years so it's been a pretty successful one!). I have also worked with people who have experimented with;

• a setting up a new business
• changing the direction of their business
• working a 3-day week
• living off grid
• saying no
• increasing their fees
• abstaining from social media
• meditating every day

The point about experimenting is you don’t have to commit your life (or life savings) to it. The approach that works best is to be very clear and succinct and to give yourself a timescale that feels do-able.  The ego likes timescales so it helps to have a clear end point to the experiment.  It also has to feel exciting, that’s the bit that tells you it is just outside your comfort zone. The excitement tells you it is something that, if it does work out, is something you know will feel good and that is an important motivator.

Take my recent experiment as an example. I have been reading a lot about the benefits of cold water on the immune system, stress levels as well as alterness and mental health benefits and so I decided to experiment with having a cold shower each morning for the first 2 weeks of January.  I am beginning my experiment by turning the water to cold for just 20 seconds at the end of my “usual” shower. (The thought of going into a cold shower and standing there for 10 minutes whilst I washed was too much for the ego!). There may be a part 2 where I have my whole showering experience in cold water but for now I’m testing and trialling at 20 seconds. And that’s the beauty of an experiment. You call the shots and you can start small and go bigger.

You can’t get this wrong. 

There is nothing to lose and a whole heap of learning, data, evidence and experience to gain.

Last year I experimented with not planning in my business.  Yes, I stopped planning.  My experiment was to be more responsive to what was happening within me (in terms of where I felt drawn to) and around me (in terms of what opportunities were presenting themselves to me) on each day.  This was a big deal for me as my default setting for pretty much everything in life is to plan and organise so that there are no surprises and I get what I (think) I want. 

Guess what happened......

.........nothing bad!  That's the first thing to say and in fact, so much good came from that experiment.  I was surprised, a lot!  The thing that surprised me the most was that I ended up having my most profitable and enjoyable year in the 16 years of running my own business.  I also took a lot of learning about how uncomfortable it can feel to do something different but that it's possible to ease into that discomfort until it becomes comfortable (a bit like standing under a cold shower in the morning!).

So, I invite you to choose an area of your life that you’d like to invigorate or revitalise – your business or work, a relationship, your health or fitness, a room in your house, your finances or something else. 

1. What would you love to be different about that area of your life? 
2. Start by writing down exactly how you’d like it to be with no filtering. Notice how it feels to read it back to yourself, imagine your life in that way. 
3. Ok now, what would be an experiment you could do for 2 weeks that would take you a step towards that experience? 
4. Choose something you can commit to trying out in just 2 weeks with the intention to discover something new about how to create that difference in your life. 
5. Make sure it is clear, succinct and exciting.
6. Put a reminder in your calendar to check back in with yourself in 2 weeks to see how your experiment has gone.

Remember - you can’t get this wrong.

Whatever happens gives you more information about what is possible for you and it may be you choose to continue with your experiment for longer, maybe you evolve it and expand it or maybe you stop. It is your choice but you can’t get it wrong.

Are you willing to give it a go?

I am so sure that this approach to experimenting really works that I will set up a complimentary 121 call with you to coach you through this if you are willing to share with me what your experiment is. If that sounds like something that would help get over your fear and get you into action send me an email – susan@susangrandfield.com – and we’ll set up a time.