It never occurred to me to ask for help when I was set out in business on my own. It seems crazy to admit that now but I look back and see that there was a sense that somehow I needed to figure it out all on my own!
When I noticed that (just the other day) it got me thinking – where else in my life do I not ask for help?
My husband would probably tell you that when I start a task (such as building IKEA furniture or painting a room in the house) I become frustratingly stubborn and even when he can see me struggling my response to his offer of help is “I am fine! I’ll manage it on my own”.
In both cases asking for help just wasn’t on my radar. It didn’t occur to me to ask for it or accept it when offered.
What’s that all about?
It’s got me wondering why we don’t ask for help even when that is exactly what we need. Here are some of the conclusions I’ve come to:
- We worry what it says about our capabilities
- We are conditioned to persevere no matter how tough something gets
- We worry what other people will think or how we will be judged
- We think it means something about our character or personality or self-identity
- We have never done it and so don’t know how to ask
The common theme in all of these is fear
and the fear comes from a made-up story we create in our own mind about what asking for help means. We make asking for help so significant that we back away from it. It feel safer and easier to carry on ourselves.
Look at children (always such a rich source of learning for us adults!). They ask for help all the time. (Ok, sometimes they wait until they are super frustrated but they do eventually ask). They realise they can’t do everything themselves.
Where would you be today if no one had ever helped you
get up and start walking, tie your shoe laces, learn to drive, make decisions for yourself…..?
As an adult you get to choose what form help comes in. It could be advice, guidance, reassurance, someone doing something for you, showing you the way or helping you find your own way. Whatever you choose it is about you stepping out of fear and into your power. People who are empowered are not afraid to ask for what they need.
And here is the best thing about it all……when you ask someone to help you they benefit too! Helping is a mutual gift between two people. The giver feels great knowing that they have something to offer others and the receiver gets unstuck. It’s a WIN/WIN.
I wonder how many hours of wasted energy I could have saved when I first started my business if only I’d had the courage to ask for help.
So, where in your life could you ask for help?